read it and weep. I know I did.

this seriously made me cry

The article had good solid points that when I've come to think of is actually true. You see for quite a long time now I've been feeling like a loser. I feel like whatever I do it's just not enough to satisfy myself. I may get high from my travels or accomplishments but those are just momentary, temporary high and not long lasting.

My parents don't make me feel like shit. They've been really patient with me, letting me enjoy my money. But I know that they don't like my job neither do my siblings and if I am being totally honest here, neither do I. That might be all the bitterness is coming from but on the otherhand my bitchy brain cannot decide what it wants to do either. I feel like I am capable of so much more or to deliver it more correctly this is not what suits me but I don't know the alternative or that I don't trust myself/ my talents so I am choosing the easy way out. And this is where I'm fucking stuck. And this, I have to figure out.

For the past year I've gone 360° from being an extrovert: I've learned to enjoy the company of a few when going out. I've learned to keep my true feelings and some opinions to myself. While some, if not all, have this person they've constantly been messaging, I have learned to get used to not having one.

I've gone from being at ease on texting my friend/s with my thoughts to writing it down or Tweeting/ posting it to my Facebook wall with hopes of someone noticing because whenever I message them they never replied anyway. I've learned to be second option for my best friends to talk to or be with because they've got their boyfriends/flings as first options to begin with. Or some are in deep shit themselves they've got their shit to focus on about.

With all those hugot being said I've learned my value, I know that I am deserving of so much more. I've learned that it's all not my fault, it's just that some people are comfortable of treating others that way. I've learned to enjoy myself though half the time I still feel scared. I've learned to control my emotions, lower my expectations and live with these everyday realities that are very much a part of my life. And life? Well it goes on...