For twice in a row this year I've experienced death and in my 22 years of existence this is the first time that I get to deal with it on an immediate family level and feel of things.
Just a week ago I bid my uncle goodbye. The initial shock came to me when I was on my way up until the time I arrived at the office and I was being updated by my cousin from Baguio about his condition. I was working when I learned of his condition and hyperventilated a little bit at work then afterwards I had to go home as my headache is too much to bear.
Took a leave from work and went home to pay our respect. Of course everybody is sad about it but we've learned to accept easily that life is a bitch really one day you're here the next day you're gone. Even my cousin whom my sisters and I are very close to was able to accept it and I'm happy about that because that's one thing dealt with and she can now move forward to adjusting to him being gone.
As I've mentioned on my instagram post he's the last familiar face and family member I'll see before heading back to Manila because he'll make it a point to send us away. I'll miss his smiling face and witty compliments but what I'll miss most is his humor. One of the funniest person you'll ever meet.
On that parting day I've witnessed what is one of the most silent burial in my life. Nobody was howling instead everybody was just shedding silent tears and reciting prayers. Peaceful.
That day I've also fulfilled one of the hardest favors ever asked of me. I was asked to document that day. I was left i-charge of the camera after the mass on the way to the cemetery. I don't know how I could explain here how I'm feeling at that moment cause I look and I see, I feel and I hear but I don't want to.
It was a sea of grim faces especially those of your friends and family and having to capture that was... It's like I wanna throw away the camera. Having to see my lola through the lens crying, for suffering yet again burying one of her own offspring has no similar kind of kurot sa puso. Trully, nothing I can compare to.
The next day my family did the most bizarre thing; we partied! We shared a feast, drank and made merry. At first I thought why are doing this? If other people were to see us they would probably think were insane for partying the day after we've lost a loved one but I was able to understand why. It's us coping and it's not something I could really explain here (but I shall try). It's that Berting in us that we were trying to embody. He is not one to sulk and focus on negativity, sadness. Up until his final hours he was still joking around when he can barely speak and move and was being consumed by too much pain, because that's the only way he knows how. And as I've mentioned above we've already accepted it. He's in a kinder place now.
The first to go this year is my lola: mama's aunt. She's too jolly and too active for herself with a great memory and a bunch of stories to tell whenever we visit. She's one of the most generous people I've ever had the great opportunity to meet. Too passionate and hardworking she was able to champion her children despite everything life threw at her. She too is at a better place now.
One thing I like about all this is that at least now I've experienced it. I now know how it feels so I now know how to empathize on situations like this with others.
Another lesson learned? You cannot take a photo while you're crying. I kinda find it funny how I was crying but had to stop because I cannot see through the lens clearly when I do. hahaha
And life goes on.
