An open letter to my friend

Hi YellowPadBlaster, 

How are you? I wonder where you are? Were you able to get out of there and get your own place? Were you able to break free from that job you hate so much?

Remember when you used to tell me how your week went and who your weekly hunk was? Because I still remember how happy I am whenever I receive your message and hear your thoughts because that's the only time I hear you speak.

I miss sharing my sentiments, my serendipity moments with you.

Why haven't you returned my messages? Where did you go?

I don't care if you don't make it long I just need to know that you're still there, still breathing because last time...

You know how to reach me. I'm always here.


Mau

USED

a light for a cigarette
a butter for the bread
a burial for the dead
No I am not one of these

you need then you call
you ping then you pray
but you don't think of me
No I can no longer be

I'm used or abused
you know when you need
and only when you need
No I can no longer be

step out now, move away
hear no more, I cannot say

--MMR, 2015

I always have this yearning to paint whenever I see unbelievable works of art that takes my breath away: be it because of the way the brush was carefully stroked to provide edge, depth and texture to the image or be it caused sometimes by the muse and how the artist succeeded on soulfuly immortalizing them or sometimes it’s just the mere fact of having completed a painting and having signed their name like I never can. I get inspired by these people and their produce and their talent and I thought to myself ‘hey you can also do that, you can make a beautiful work of art and call it your own’ however when I finally am in face to face with a canvas with a brush in hand I find me not producing anything. I cannot put into canvas what I think I am capable of. It’s like someone had removed the air into my balloon and the ideas runs away from me and floats into the air. I am finding me lost, unknowledgeable and uncapable. I am heartbroken because I so badly want to do it. Sa art o sa painting naniniwala ako na walang panget at walang maganda; beauty is always in the eye of the beholder when it comes to art.




Am I looking for my inspiration at all the wrong places? I don’t know. I don’t know how to solve this. I don’t know. I don’t know.

Year End Review Part I

It's almost the end of the year and Christmas is just around the corner. With all that festive spirit hanging around I would like to just slow down, take a look back before I get overwhelmed and drowned by the high spirits. I find it better to know what I am celebrating about in terms of my personal achievements before I go around joining the bandwagon of lazy fuckers who is already on chillax mode (if your know what I mean) hence this blog post.

First of I'll be doing a recap of my goals which I set during the start of the year which I posted on my former blog on my next post I'll probably do a photo recap or something.

1. first is to read, read and read many books.

I think I was able to achieve this one, or at least it went par to my standards, so here are the list of the books that I've finished (or is still on going) this year irregardless if I enjoyed it or not. I'm listing it randomly but I'll be highlighting the ones I love.

Haruki Murakami's 

Sputnik SweetHeart

>> I'm sorry but yes this is his first novel that I've come across with. I like that the style of this book is both bold and mysterious at the same time. There are some aspects in here though that my brain has no capacity yet to understand or relate to.

Lang Leav's

Love & Misadventure

>> we'll you're pretty insane if you haven't yet went through her poems when I'm sure there is at least one in there that you can relate to and she shares the same first name as I so I love her already and NO! my first name`s not Lang. One of my faves on the list!

Markus Zusak's

Book Thief

>> no words can describe how much I LOVE this book. He is so much genius! His writing style fits very much to my liking. And what more, the setting of this book which is WWII is something I really am very interested about.

Cassandra Clare's

City of Bones

>> they say there are loads of info have been omitted on the movie (as always!) and I fell in love with her character Jace in the movie so I just have to read it. Plus my best friend Kim says the series is a good read.

Kiera Cass'

The Selection

The Elite

The One

Ransom Riggs'

Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children

V.C. Andrews'

Flowers in the Attic

Petals In the Wind

If There be Thorns

Gayle Forman's

If I Stay

Where She Went

Just One Day

Just One Year

Just One Night 

Mineko Iwasaki's

Geisha, A Life

Nick Hornby's

High Fidelity

Forgot Authour

Abberant

Amy Zhang's

Falling Into Place

Antonio Pagliarulo's

Celebutantes: The Penthouse

Sophie Kinsella's

The Secret Dreamworld of a Shopaholic (also titled Confessions of a Shopaholic)
Shopaholic Abroad (also titled Shopaholic Takes Manhattan)
Shopaholic Ties the Knot
Shopaholic and Sister
Shopaholic and Baby
Can You Keep A Secret?
The Undomestic Goddess
Remember Me? 

Douglas Kennedy's

Leaving the World

2. second is to ride a plane and go somewhere. anywhere somewhere pref the beach.

Well I was able to do this. I was able to go to different sorts of places this year and I plan on expanding my list of been there done that places. To start my year off I went to Anawangin last January, Boracay and Baler during May went to Baguio last August. Going to Batangas in December and in an undefined place in November.

3. third is to discover my talent, discover my passion and discover what I enjoy doing and be good at it.

I can say that I have at least discover one talent: I got a canvass for a Christmas present along with some paint brushes and somehow, I don't know how, but I was able to finish one painting and the second and third one is already on its way to completion. I still am a super beginner at painting. I am still experimenting with colors and form. I am gonna be targeting my improvement towards tones, shadowing and stroke technique. I live by one of my favorite painter's words. 

"If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint,' then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced."

part two soon

looking back and letting go

Ever feel like you don't belong? That's how I wanted to describe what I am feeling or have been feeling for the past year and so. I guess that's how I forever felt being there but I guess I just became too familiar with the routine that I sort of forgot how I feel about being there. It doesn't mean it changed for me though.

I've been institutionalize for the past nine years and I guess one year forward and I still am trying to compare it to how it was before. One year have past and I've realized that I still cant get over it. It doesn't mean I don't want to move on--cause I do. I have plans too... unlike before. There are still things that I seriously need to think about and decisions to be made.

For now I just have to find that Happy Place.

If I have to keep on tripping you, I would so that I could keep on catching you and you would keep on falling unto my arms.

Song of the Week

Summer Skeletons

When all we knew wasn't stolen

There was nothing real to lose

When our heads were still simple

We'd sleep beneath the moon

You were something

That would always be around

When regrets were nowhere to be found