Saturday, January 24, 2015

Year End Review II

I have been through many low points this year and of course my forever internal battle with the monsters inside me that continuously but this going into the gym thing has really changed my life not because of the pounds I lost because honestly speaking I haven't shed many but what makes me so happy about it is that I have done something great for myself. I guess that's where all the high is coming from.

With all the challenges in work, with my friends and at home that I have to endure I realized how much I have changed and realized how much I didn't know myself. but more over I have learned and realized that I have more patience that I thought I have. I am more resilient than I thought I could ever be and nothing could make me even more proud of myself more than anything.

 My friend Justine and I were talking about how days may have passed without you realizing it did and some maybe remarkable and honestly those are the only days that I wish I regret happening because I could have at least made something meaningful or make it remarkable all else are in the past. But I am determined to make each of the remaining days memorable.

With that being said I am welcoming 2015 with open arms, with high hopes and courage.




Summer Skeletons

When all we knew wasn't stolen
There was nothing real to lose
When our heads were still simple
We'd sleep beneath the moon
You were something
That would always be around
When regrets were nowhere to be found
An open letter to my friend

Hi YellowPadBlaster, 


How are you? I wonder where you are? Were you able to get out of there and get your own place? Were you able to break free from that job you hate so much?


Remember when you used to tell me how your week went and who your weekly hunk was? Because I still remember how happy I am whenever I receive your message and hear your thoughts because that's the only time I hear you speak.


I miss sharing my sentiments, my serendipity moments with you.

Why haven't you returned my messages? Where did you go?


I don't care if you don't make it long I just need to know that you're still there, still breathing because last time...

You know how to reach me. I'm always here.


Mau

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

USED

a light for a cigarette
a butter for the bread
a burial for the dead
No I am not one of these

you need then you call
you ping then you pray
but you don't think of me
No I can no longer be

I'm used or abused
you know when you need
and only when you need
No I can no longer be

step out now, move away
hear no more, I cannot say

--MMR, 2015

Monday, January 5, 2015



I always have this yearning to paint whenever I see unbelievable works of art that takes my breath away: be it because of the way the brush was carefully stroked to provide edge, depth and texture to the image or be it caused sometimes by the muse and how the artist succeeded on soulfuly immortalizing them or sometimes it’s just the mere fact of having completed a painting and having signed their name like I never can. I get inspired by these people and their produce and their talent and I thought to myself ‘hey you can also do that, you can make a beautiful work of art and call it your own’ however when I finally am in face to face with a canvas with a brush in hand I find me not producing anything. I cannot put into canvas what I think I am capable of. It’s like someone had removed the air into my balloon and the ideas runs away from me and floats into the air. I am finding me lost, unknowledgeable and uncapable. I am heartbroken because I so badly want to do it. Sa art o sa painting naniniwala ako na walang panget at walang maganda; beauty is always in the eye of the beholder when it comes to art.




Am I looking for my inspiration at all the wrong places? I don’t know. I don’t know how to solve this. I don’t know. I don’t know.